Twilight Newborns

The transformation is painful (A Twilight Series fansite and podcast)

Grad School is not kind

Posted on | March 13, 2009 | 4 Comments

Every Twilighter loves, loves, loves  the Pocket Edward adventures from Lauren’s Bite, and we do too. (He’s really the Edward Cullen Action Figure – see him on Amazon).

So I thought it would be fun to take Melissa’s Pocket Edward to grad school with me. Initially, things went well. Edward turned some heads and started to get cocky. One of my classmates even bonded with Edward, and he rewarded her by showing her some funky dance moves to make her laugh. Who knew that Edward is the class clown?

Edward dancing the Funky Chicken

Edward dances the Funky Chicken

From there, things went somewhat downhill. I took Edward over to introduce him to The Bad Girls in the Far Corner. I learned the hard way that they are not called The Bad Girls in the Far Corner for nothin’. They cornered Edward with their pink flask and their Camel Lights. What was Edward to do in the face of such peer pressure?

Edward being corrupted

Can Edward resist?

At this point, The Bad Girls in the Far Corner abducted Edward. I heard Bad Girl #1 say “I’ve got an idea…. I need something like fabric.” Horrified, I tried to rescue Edward, but I was confined to my seat for the rest of the evening! I heard giggling, and I’m pretty sure Edward continued to take some sips from the pink flask. Finally, I was released and rushed over to save Party Animal Edward. He stumbled across the table, collapsed, and it was then that I noticed….

Edward, what are those?!?

Edward, what had happened??

Edward was wearing pink pasties, and he was experiencing the most shame he had ever been subjected to. I lectured him all the way home about his loose morals and about the dangers of Bad Girls in the Far Corner. He mostly just moaned in pain, said “my head…”, and occasionally he would ask “Where am I?”

When we got home, Edward went straight to bed to stare at the ceiling for a few hours until whatever was in the pink flask wore off.

Why, Edward? Why?

Why, Edward? Why?

Poor Edward. Corrupted by the evil influences of grad students. Hopefully he will be better behaved tomorrow.


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4 Responses to “Grad School is not kind”

  1. Melissa
    March 13th, 2009 @ 8:26 pm

    Tsk, tsk, Edward! Now that he’s been exposed to the indulgences of the real world, I’m not sure I want him back.

    All those other girls, Edward?!?

  2. Leann
    March 13th, 2009 @ 9:38 pm

    I can’t believe Edward! For shame, for shame…and here we thought he was the good little boy all this time.

  3. Christen
    March 16th, 2009 @ 1:13 pm

    The good news is that Edward was way low key in class on Saturday. I punished him by making him wear the pasties all day. I believe that pain brings humility. Take that, Edward! That’ll teach you to accept drinks from strange girls’ pink flasks!

  4. Episode 12: Free Déjeuner : Twilight Newborns
    May 23rd, 2009 @ 8:53 am

    […] Grad School and License Plate blog posts […]

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